Suenz Corner

I lost focus & appetite lately…

Couldnt concentrate at what I’m doing and my mind end up wandering into the space. Ordered food which I would want to eat, but could not finish it. Tried sleeping, but ended up staring blankly into the space. Wondering what happened to myself, but just ended up wandering. Questions just keeps boggling in my mind with no answers. Having stuffy nose and watery eyes… think I am just falling sick now actually =P

Read a very interesting article in Sunday Star paper last week. Love Vs Lust and how to differentiate them. They are very similar in a way, but in long term, the differences tells. 

.SuenZ.
 

It’s not suppose to end up like this, a journey with no destination.
Yet I kept walking… and walking on a road aimlessly wishing for it to come to an end. Wishing that I would end in a paradise of a happy ending, but forseeing that it may be just too good to just remain just as a dream. What hurts the most, was being so close, yet so far. Looking into your eyes, looking into your dreams, trying to guess the possibility if it would ever comes true. Just like dealing with a set of cards, betting on the game.

How long more would my journey be, I do not know. Yet a smile could always crack from the corner of my lips without fail…
Hoping & Wishing for the best…

-SuenZ-

Being in a relationship is a status, being together is just you and me…

SuenZ

Silence…

 Wordless..

I couldn’t find a word to describe my boxed up emotions. It’s a mixture of “happy with dissapointment”, “sad but relieved”, “pity and thankful”. Such complex emotions which I have gone through ever since I found my complicated self. It is indeed really hard to express emotions when I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. It’s such a grey area… which makes sense why people could laugh & cry at the same time. An intricate emotion, where human can be crying out happy tears, or laughing out loud for sorrowness. The only definite feeling I am feeling is “Acceptive”.

~ You have touched my Heart, You have touched my Soul & now you got to go… ~

.SuenZ.

I felt like I was just 18 yesterday and in a blink of an eyes I turned 26.. or will be 26 in few days.

It scares me to know how terribly fast times flies. It scares me to know my Silky is 3 years+ now and not 3 months old.It scares me when I look at myself in the mirror.   It also scares me when I see the people around me looks older then I last remembered their face. It scares me even more, thinking what I have been doing in this past years of my life. Time have caught up pretty fast and it seems like I’ve got Alzheimer’s disease when I was trying hard to recall my life year by year. I know there are a lot of memories which I cant recall, a lot of memories which I seem to have left behind, or maybe I’m just having selective memory.

I’m trying to live in the now moment, thinking more of the “what-if” future, the possible road and junctions in life. Opportunities which I should grab selfishly… or let it swim freely and happily? I really wish to freeze time for now, everyday waking up to the same day and when it starts as the next day, I would be the most contented person on earth and dont mind being on my deathbed by then.

.SuenZ.

I just watched a movie recently, The Secret. I really like it, getting slight euphoria after watching it. Maybe psychologically it makes my mind feels happier. Life is never bad unless you wanted it to, and I believe in that too. There was a period of time in my life when I kept thinking to myself “How lucky I am!”. Good things, unexpected happy events unfold by itself and I kept on thinking the same thing over and over again “How Lucky I Am!” =) This went on for years that I kept thinking the same thing, but it is also possible that I always set my expectation to the lowest possible. Anything beyond that surprises me.. makes my heart beat a little. One quote which comes across:  

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” -Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

I really like what it says. A good example that says that we will never be able to see our whole life drawn in a map, the path to take to reach the destination or even about the journey along it. The main recipe is to always take the first step, focus on the goal and take the opportunity that comes along. Side recipe, enjoy the journey, be happy & always nurturing positive attitude in life to align to the goal =) Sometimes I really cant wait to taste the end, but life will be a long journey.

 Choose to be happy. Choose the positive outlook of life. You can choose Your Life!

One of my favourites picture from Cambodia trip =)

.SuenZ.

BACK!

After about a week’s visit to Cambodia and Angkor Wat. Interesting experience for my taste bud and eyes as as the culture there is totally different from Malaysia, but more or less quite alike to Thailand. A much hotter and more humid country compared to Malaysia. Maybe it is just the season that I am in there is hot. Was in Phnom Penh with relatives for few days before making our way to Angkor Wat, Siem Reap. Was enjoying in Siem Reap for 3 days and one of the day fully reserved for Angkor Wat. Took quite a lot quick shots with my new lense :-) Mostly are just point and shoot pictures.

When I reached Malaysia, I had quite some dissapointment with the 8gb San Disk Extreme 3 when I was trying to copy the files. It was corrupted in a way that few card readers couldnt read it, nor my camera. Had ERR CF!!! Luckily I manage to rescue the files with RescuePro, a program that comes together with the CF card. Just had a thought, that San Disk might have already known that the CF has potential problems which is why it came with the Rescue Pro program? Anyway, glad most of the pictures are recovered though quite a lot of them is corrupted Will be editing and posting it soon. One for preview

Performers resting @ Angkor Wat.

SuenZ

Who would know there could be so many turnings in life with unpredictable junctions?

I wish I could know the signs even before reaching one, rather then reaching a dead end and realised there’s no turning. A lot of things could have failed me till a certain point I felt it is a karma, but I know that I must be strong enough to face it. Life is cruel in fact that it is true that one’s decision can never make everyone happy nor it could satisfy everyone. It could mean sadness and dissapointments that people will needs to go through, but it is important that after a period of time we need to learn that it is just part of life and we still need to learn to be happy and optimistic. Taking things openly and thinking from different dimension, it could be the best decision ever made though not for you individually, but in bigger picture.

Learn to accept, Learn to be receptive, Learn to be optimistic, Learn to see the bigger picture and most importantly, Learn to be Happy! At this particular point of time, I realised I could have changed in certain ways of viewing things. It may seems like a laid-back attitude, but deep inside, it is just mustering a particular skill - learn to let go. I would like to thank my own acting skills which may covered up on what I felt. Anyway, life couldnt get any worse.. I’m looking up now!

Oh yeah, I just spent a great deal on lenses, dry box and filters last weekend. Got a Sigma 18-200mm F3.5-6.3 DC OS and Canon 50mm 1.8 F1.8. I love the Sigma lens. Although it could perform at it’s best for indoor shots, but outdoor shooting fits the purpose of All-In-One. Definitely a good travelling lens which I will bring to Cambodia. Test shots!

SuenZ

Sitting right in front of my desk at 3am… reminiscence. A lot of questions that came into my mind like “What if…?”. It’s just the choice we have made in life and that is where I am right now, thinking of the question “What if..?” in every junction in life IF I would have made different decisions and had different set of actions, where would I be right now and what could I be possibly thinking as well. Human especially woman can be the most unpredictable being and I could be surprised at myself sometimes for the things I have done or said. It’s been the missing puzzle in my life that I couldnt solve.. or maybe could never solve the puzzle.. or maybe it’s not meant to be solved. Life has to move on and only time can tell till when I will find it.

Anyway, I’ll be having a short trip to Cambodia this coming July. Will be making my way to Angkor Wat as well. Been anticipiting for a lot of trips, but this is the most promising one and photography will be the main purpose of the trip there. Hope it will be good.

.

SuenZ

Took a day off from work after going through nearly a week of sickness.. or maybe more. Just vomitted out yesterday after taking the cough syrup, made me so drowsy that I couldnt take it at all and just throw up. Fever, cough, dizzyness, troubled mind, heartache, but it’s all healing now after a good rest today. 

For the 2 years relationship I had finally found a dock and resting point as well. It’s definitely an unexpected ending believing it could be a “happily-ever-after” kinda relatioship, but it just couldn’t turn out to be one. Maybe because I couldnt be the chinese cinderella in the story or maybe you’re not the prince that didn’t come with the shinning armor? Well, the story is just a way of putting it but  simple fact is that the problems that we’ve been facing all the while is just being swept under the carpet. Trying to live happily accepting it till one day it has finally errupted and there’s no solution to the issue. So guess this would be the best and fast solution as you thought it could be? The process of going through dealing with it is nothing nice to be remembered and guess it will be left off at where it is for better of us. Guess I was just dissapointed that you didnt make me stay. Given a chance, I would have turned back on the day if you do really asked me to. Anyway, lotsa nice memories will still live on as long as my little brain could keep, as for others will rest in peace. Do really appreciate the time spent together, the time when I needed you, that you always offer for more then what I asked.

 I will be better in sometime… and hope you do too..

 .

SuenZ.